23 Jan WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS
WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS
Today I am talking about a teenage topic that involves when a teenager feels heartbroken.: WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS Now this is not an uncommon topic. In fact many teenager boys and girls experience heart ache.
But in this particular blog I’m going to speak specifically about when a young girl or a young boy place all of their energy into their relationship.
Now when I speak about age in this context I am referring to 14 to 17 year olds. This is a very difficult age as our teenagers are experiencing so many changes in their bodies.
EMOTIONS: WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS
Their thoughts, their emotions, everything to do physiologically, and then we have the added stress of finding boyfriends and girlfriends. Now whilst it can be such a wonderful happy loving and caring experience, it has some drawbacks too.
I think any adult would agree that teenage heartache can cause quite some suffering. Some adults think that it’s a necessary part of growing up. And to see what it feels like and to experience falling in love and having wonderful emotions. But then also experiencing what it’s like to move away from a relationship. And onto something else.
But I’m here to say that this comes at a cost. And quite often the cost is hurt and pain. Now each and every person is unique and different in the way they experience their feelings. And even though we can all experience hurt, it’s quite different for different individuals. Young teenagers already are exploring their difficult emotions as they face exams and assessments and different friendship issues.
Quite often as they enter their own maturity, dynamics at home change. And this becomes challenging for them as well. We find sometimes that our young teens who find boyfriends and girlfriends and other similar attachments often invest a lot of their emotional energy into their relationships.
THE COST OF WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS
This can come at a cost. It can consume a lot of the focus and concentration. In addition, it can create patterns of behavior that are not necessarily so healthy. It can create an imbalance of other relationships. And quite often, if the important relationship has a breakdown.
They have yet to develop or discover their necessary skills to get back on track. Some boyfriend and girlfriend relationships which exist in the common school can also create problems if these relationships fall apart, because then we have the issue of…How do we sit in the same class. Or how do we, sit in the same friend group. And how do we play sports together. And how do we go out with our friends if we are no longer together.
DISTUBING INSIDE AND OUTSIDE: WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS
So it creates more of a disturbance. Externally as well as internally. Quite often so many other emotions become so heightened. For example resentment, jealousy, anger, and more. But what is it, that our young teenagers need? Well experience has shown me that during a relationship breakdown, our teens can feel abandoned, betrayed, used, and they develop insecurities.
It’s okay to feel emotion after an event. For example after a sudden breakup, it’s okay to need to cry and to talk about it. But it becomes very important to stay on top of reactions. And self care.
SELF CARE
It’s important that self care involves talking to someone that you trust. Getting rest and sleep, still doing some exercise, drinking plenty of water, focusing on your nutrition. And try and keep everything else as normal as possible. unfortunately, some teens, when they face a relationship breakdown, then lose focus and concentration, which means subject results decline. They may lose motivation and not participate in their sport or any exercise. Their appetite may change, in either direction.
They may overeat as a substitute for their emotions. Or they may lose their appetite altogether. They may develop certain beliefs about themselves. And they may be faced with difficult relationships that form as a consequence of what they are going through.
So it is important that teens have an understanding with themselves that the most important person is actually them self. And they need to put them self first and their needs first.
FEAR
I have heard teens say something along the lines of, but I don’t know how to be without him or her, and this is normal too. Just like when adults brake up in their relationships. They have to get used to a new way of being. And this may be painful. But it can’t be rushed. It is important for everybody to know. It won’t always feel like this. Looking ahead there may be more relationship breakdowns.
And that does not mean that you should have less self worth. Or to blame yourself. In fact, accepting that people change and situations change. And therefore circumstances change can help you heal better. When you depend on someone else for your happiness you put yourself at risk. It is not always useful to have another person determine if you are going to have a good day or not. Sometimes, the other person is not having a good day themselves. And they may take this out on you.
WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS: BECOME THE OBSERVER
It is useful if you become an observer rather than become involved in the drama cycle. Because when you become an observer. You can then notice that the other person is going through something and it may have nothing to do with you. This drama cycle is extremely important.
BEWARE THE DRAMA CYLCLE
At least to be aware of it, can consist of three components; the victim, the perpetrator, and the rescuer. Sitting in these roles either of these roles can become quite damaging. In fact sitting in any of these roles is not useful at all. But we are all human. And this can occur. I’m going to suggest practice being an observer.
At home. At school. With yourself and in other relationships. This way. You are less emotional. And a little bit more logical.
There are experiences that our young teens have helped to shape beliefs about themselves which they carry on into their adult life. And so it is extremely important…
How they repair and recover after a relationship breakdown, the words that they use to themselves is what is important. Phrases such as it’s okay I will be fine and I’m still a good person, I am worthy, I am deserving. I am loving, and positive statements like these become extremely important for the mind to hear.
WHEN TEENS HAVE BROKEN HEARTS: EMOTIONS ARE MESSAGES
Acknowledging feelings of hurt or betrayal is useful as well. Emotions are messages.
They should be respected and listened to. Speaking with teens, who are heartbroken is important. So that they can feel understood, and listened to.
And even though time heals, it still hurts. I guess it’s all a part of growing up it comes with the good and the bad. This is why it’s important to love and accept yourself first.
When you love and accept yourself first you are more capable of being that better version of you when you are thrown into many different circumstances.
WHERE’S THE POSITIVE?
Sometimes I say to people, okay so you have broken up. What is one good thing that has come out of this breakup. And while this is not a question that someone expects to be asked, I wait for the answer. And believe it or not, here is often three to five answers. Sometimes breaking up is useful. We just don’t like how it feels but like I said it won’t feel like this forever. You can adjust to any circumstance.
You can help yourself adjust to any circumstance as well. Sometimes you need the support of parents older siblings good friends or even therapists. It’s nice to know that support is out there. Reach out if you need to.
Amanda Dounis
Positive Thinking Clinic
1/7 Magdalene Terrace
Wolli Creek, 2205
0458 850 850
amanda@positivethinkingclinic.com.au
www.positivethinkingclinic.com.au
It is important to know that resources are available if you are experiencing anxiety , and exploring other websites, such as mindaustralia, and headspace.
I welcome you to visit my podcast to learn about anxiety basics.
In any emergency you can always reach out to lifeline.
Help is also available for kids, and support for families too.
You may find my Coping Skills Handbook a great resource. It teaches kids how to cope with everyday challenges using a simple C.O.P.E. formula.
You can find out more about me on natural therapy pages or psychology today
I am a level 3 member of the Australian Counselling Association and am a member of the Hypnotherapy Council of Australia
Here is a short clip on FAQ at Positive Thinking Clinic https://youtu.be/GNWaRVsC-OU
Ways that Positive Thinking Clinic can help you https://youtu.be/m0z-f0PSQNM